S.P.A.C.E. ADHD Group

ADHD Parent Support Group

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Festive Reflections

As 2015 drew to a close and we were fast approaching the school holidays, we started drafting a blog post to wish all our ADHD parents a merry and hopefully stressfree Christmas.

That time of year can be eventful, in all the wrong ways, for children with ADHD. The change in routine, the school parties and pantomime trips, mixed with the general excitement about Father Christmas, can sometimes be a little bit too much for them and as parents we generally get the receiving end of all that.

Christmas plays are a time for fellow parents to give you “that look” if your child fidgets through the carol service. The thing to remember is that they don’t know how hard it is for your child to sit still and if they knew, what we know, they wouldn’t be so judgemental.

The start of the new year and new school term can be a double edged sword. For some families the return to school is a great thing because it means that the usual routine is back,  you no longer have to provide full time referee services for your children and at the very least, our energetic bundles are out of the house.

For other families returning to school means restarting all the playground drama. It can mean that our children are now spending five days a week with the children who bully them (whilst mysteriously, rarely getting into any trouble for it.) It can mean that our children are spending their days with adults who don’t understand them and refuse to make allowances for their active minds and bodies. For some families, having our children at home means that we can control their environment and be in a position to spot the signs early and head off outbursts before they happen. For those families, the last day of the school holidays is almost a sad time because in 24 hours it all changes.

The S.P.A.C.E. group focuses on children in education because regardless of how things are at home, school is a totally different place and as parents we are always affected by what happens there, including the things we have no control over.

So here’s to all the parents whose children go to a school of over a thousand pupils and yet somehow every single member of staff seems to know yours by name. Here’s to all the parents that blushed their way through Christmas plays and carol services. Here’s to all the parents who battled their way through festive family visits and here’s to all the parents who are now back in the swing of a new term and are already looking forward to, or absolutely dreading half-term.

The S.P.A.C.E. meeting dates for 2016 are already on our website and we look forward to seeing some of you at Funky Monkey Coffee Company. Our next meeting is on Wednesday 10th February 2016 at 7.00 pm.

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Take My Hand

A member of our group shared this poem on our Facebook page and the Author has kindly given us permission to share it on our blog.

Take my hand and come with me
I want to teach you about ADHD
I need you to know, I want to explain,
I have a very different brain
Sights sounds and thoughts collide
What to do first? I can’t decide
Please understand I’m not to blame
I just can’t process things the same

Take my hand and walk with me
Let me show you about ADHD
I try to behave, I want to be good
But I sometimes forget to do as I should
Walk with me and wear my shoes
You’ll see its not the way I’d choose
I do know what I’m supposed to do
But my brain is slow getting the message through

Take my hand and talk with me
I want to tell you about ADHD
I rarely think before I talk
I often run when I should walk
It’s hard to get my school work done
My thoughts are outside having fun
I never know just where to start
I think with my feelings and see with my heart

Take my hand and stand by me
I need you to know about ADHD
It’s hard to explain but I want you to know
I can’t help letting my feelings show
Sometimes I’m angry, jealous or sad
I feel overwhelmed, frustrated and mad
I can’t concentrate and I loose all my stuff
I try really hard but it’s never enough

Take my hand and learn with me
We need to know more about ADHD
I worry a lot about getting things wrong
everything I do takes twice as long
everyday is exhausting for me
Looking through the fog of ADHD
I’m often so misunderstood
I would change in a heartbeat if I could

Take my hand and listen to me
I want to share a secret about ADHD
I want you to know there is more to me
I’m not defined by it you see
I’m sensitive, kind and lots of fun
I’m blamed for things I haven’t done
I’m the loyalist friend you’ll ever know
I just need a chance to let it show

Take my hand and look at me
Just forget about the ADHD
I have real feelings just like you
The love in my heart is just as true
I may have a brain that can never rest
But please understand I’m trying my best
I want you to know, I need you to see
I’m more than the label, I am still me!!!!

By Andrea Chesterman-Smith

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Leyland ADHD Conference

Last month ADDISS, the national ADHD charity, held a series of regional conferences and a member of the SPACE team went along. Those of you that follow us on Twitter will have noticed that we took over your timeline for a couple of days by live tweeting as much as we could fit into 140 characters at a time.

A lot of the conference focused on adults with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. In the United Kingdom there is estimated to be between 2  and 3.3 million adults with the condition. Here at SPACE we focus on providing support to parents of children and do very little relating to adults, but since being a parent is an ongoing thing, understanding how adults are affected is obviously of interest.

Children with ADHD mature into adults with ADHD. The presentation of symptoms may be different but, despite what you may have been told, children do not grow out of it. It doesn’t magically disappear on their 18th birthday. If you have a ten year old with ADHD then you’re going to have a 20 year old with ADHD and eventually a forty year old with ADHD, so with this in mind understanding adults with the condition is pretty vital.

The theme of the conference was early Interventions and Outcomes. It focused on the importance of getting things right for children with ADHD, to help them grow into happy healthy adults with productive lives, because statistically our children are less likely to get there without that extra help and support. The conference showed the best things about ADHD but also balanced it out by highlighting the very worst things.

One of the speakers Phil Anderton PhD, Author of The Tipping Points, is a former police officer who provided some very sobering statistics including

  • Children with ADHD are 14 times more likely to be run over crossing the road
  • The risk of being arrested for most young adults is 20% for young adults with ADHD this doubles to 40%
  • 25% of the 80,000 prison population have ADHD as opposed to a conservative estimate of 5% of the general population

Although ADHD is generally considered a behavioural problem, the negative behaviours exist for a physiological reason and one of the many differences between children with and without ADHD is their emotional maturity. Although one child may be 6 months older chronologically, their brain may actually be less mature than a child who is considerably younger than they are. Physically your son or daughter may be 17 years of age but it’s possible that emotionally they are only 14 and emotional maturity matters.

“Some people have a built in need for exploratory behaviour and risk taking” Kevin Roberts

A need for friends, low self esteem, a built in predisposition towards risk taking behaviour and low emotional maturity can be a disaster for some young people. It can make them very vulnerable and lead to a variety of different problems including issues at school, dangerous activities and inappropriate sexual activity.

If the treatment of ADHD in a young person isn’t right then the likelihood of their involvement in crime is much higher and for those of us with older children, dealing with the police can become a part of day to day parenting. Realistically a lot of parents need to have a plan of exactly what to do if your child is arrested and needs you to attend the police station.

During the conference we had the opportunity to see a role play with a serving police officer and a gentleman called Gary, an adult with ADHD. During the session Gary provided the audience with additional comments based on instances from his own past and gave examples of how he would have tried to speed up proceedings by not mentioning that he had a condition or refusing to answer any questions in his own defence, so that he could get out of the police station quicker. None of it was real, but it gave us a tiny glimpse of exactly what could happen if our sons or daughters are arrested, particularly if they are over 18.

It is both sobering and frightening to think that your lively young child may have a higher risk of substance abuse, assault, unplanned pregnancy and being arrested than their counterparts, but unfortunately children with ADHD are at greater risk and this is why the information in this conference was so important.

Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder is an 80% inheritable factor, so not only do we want to understand adult ADHD as a parent, but also because it’s fairly obvious that some of us have it too. We may not all have been formally diagnosed and we may not present in the same ways as our children, but there are lots of parents out there who recognise themselves and their own childhoods in the literature they read on their journey through their child’s diagnosis.

Scary statistics aside, most of the conference was very upbeat and highlighted the very positive side of attention deficit, including some magnificient high energy speakers. If you ever get the opportunity to hear Kevin Roberts and Jerry Mills speak about ADHD then you should definitely jump at the chance. The team of speakers are chosen because they are experts in their field and use their unique skills and personal experiences to bring the subject to life. Most of the speakers are published authors who have chosen to support ADDISS as a way of sharing information with parents, professionals and adults with ADHD. The conference line up also included an ADHD Coach working with young adults who discussed the difference between empowering others and enabling them and author Marko Ferek who urged us all to replace the word disorder with difference. The word disorder can only ever be considered a bad thing and not everything about ADHD is bad. Some of it is amazing and exciting, even being a risk taker isn’t necessarily a bad thing, it’s only bad if you can’t control it.

Although having ADHD can limit a child’s potential, the theme of the conference was that if we get things right during childhood that it doesn’t have to. If we get things right at school, education doesn’t have to suffer. If we understand about emotional maturity, we can make decisions based on the child and not a child of their age. If we can bolster self esteem and manage risk taking, we can reduce the negative effects of dangerous and impulsive behaviours. The conference encouraged us all to change our thoughts and feelings about ADHD. Together we can help children with ADHD find positive ways to use their power, intensity and genetic predisposition and means that next generation of adults with ADHD won’t have such a difficult journey.

 

 

 

 

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ADHD Conferences

What is an ADHD Conference and why should you consider attending one?

The National Attention Deficit Disorder Information and Support Service (ADDISS) arrange regional and national conferences about ADHD to share information, dispel myths and offer practical advice for adults and those parenting or working with people who have ADHD. The ADDISS conferences are there to not only provide information for attendees, but also to provide inspiration and help to remind people of the positives of ADHD.

In June 2015 ADDISS are holding three conferences entitled ADHD – Early Interventions and Outcomes. The first of these conferences will be held in Leyland, Lancashire on the 22nd and 23rd of June.

On the face of it arranging a sit down conference where a large percentage of the audience may find it difficult to sit in one place and pay attention, might not seem like the best idea, but the knowledge and acceptance that people with ADHD have these challenges, is one of the many positive things about them.

Conferences are an opportunity to get more information about the condition and help you understand what is going on ‘under the bonnet’. As a parent would you keep comparing your child to others their chronological age if you knew that their brain developed at a different rate? As a teacher would you still punish a child for doodling if you knew that this was the best way for them to keep their fidgeting under control in the classroom?  Conferences are not about letting children with ADHD get away with things and it is not about allowing them to make their own rules at home. It is about understanding them and using that knowledge to make reasonable adjustments for the things that are beyond their control. For parents and teachers sometimes it is about picking your battles and for children it is about learning to manage themselves.

The ADDISS regional conferences are the perfect opportunity to get accurate information from a line up of experts and professional speakers rather than the uneducated opinions and myths we so often hear. So whether you are an adult with ADHD, a parent of a child with ADHD or a professional, working with others who have ADHD, the regional conferences are an excellent opportunity to get the right information.

Merriam-Webster online dictionary defines conference as “a meeting of two or more persons for discussing matters of common concern” and the common concern in this matter is that early intervention is needed to protect our young people.

Intervention is a key part of managing children with ADHD and it is vital that parents and teaching staff are able to support our children and help them build the resilience they need to grow and thrive, but it can be difficult to find the right strategies to use. No child comes complete with a manual, but confidence and common sense can give you a head start, however when you are faced with a child who responds differently, it can be difficult to make the right decisions. For parents the tried and tested techniques that work so well at home with your other children, might be a waste of time with your ADHD child. For a teacher who has to balance the needs of thirty children at a time, having one child that absorbs all the attention and seems to disobey the rules must be a daily challenge and not necessarily the sort that you signed up for.

“Education is the most powerful weapon which you can use to change the world.” Nelson Mandela

Most adults remember their school days and almost all of us have fond memories of a favourite teacher. Those teachers are not necessarily the ones who taught us the most, but are instead often the ones who we felt understood us.

Anecdotal tales of children with ADHD missing playtimes for not sitting still on the carpet, ongoing chastisements for interrupting and being excluded from activities because of their behaviour are still very common place. Children are notoriously undiplomatic when it comes to dealing with each other and generally have no qualms about excluding people from their social groups. Problems at school can quickly become a problem at home and vice versa.

Childhood is a very short period of time and what happens in those few years goes on to make a huge difference in not only the life of that one child, but also the lives of those around them and the next generation of children born into their families. The UK prison population features a disproportionate amount of people with ADHD and past studies have shown teenagers with ADHD featuring higher than average in figures on substance abuse, teenage pregnancy and attempted suicide. (1998, Lilly & Barkley) Early intervention is the best way to reduce the amount of negative outcomes for children with ADHD.

Parenting doesn’t end just because your children grow up. Early interventions, which improve the quality of life for parents and carers, can be the difference between enjoying the parenting journey and barely surviving. Common misconceptions and stigma don’t make that journey any easier. There is a lot of misinformation about ADHD which can be confusing for parents, particularly those with a new diagnosis, conferences are an excellent place to get the right information, speak to other parents and find out what support is available. There will always be those who think they know about the condition and having the right information gives us ammunition we can use when we have to go into battle defending our children and fighting for their right to be themselves.

June 2015 Conference Details

Leyland Conference Monday 22nd June & Tuesday 23rd June 2015

Truro Conference Thursday 25th June 2015

Canterbury Conference Saturday 27th June 2015

 

 

 

 

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What Does a Funky Monkey Have To Do With ADHD?

The Funky Monkey connection comes from the name of the venue for our monthly SPACE meetings.

Funky Monkey Coffee Company on Bramhall Lane, Davenport in Stockport kindly allows us to hold our monthly meetings there. In the past we’ve held our meetings in the Arden Arms pub in Stockport and in a room at Stepping Hill Hospital but we felt that a coffee shop struck the perfect balance.

For many parents, attending their first meeting can be a very daunting prospect and having to walk into a pub in the middle of town can make that feel a little bit worse. It was with that in mind that we made the move to Stepping Hill Hospital. The hospital had some advantages. Everybody knows where it is and it’s relatively central but the expensive parking and the fact that no matter how hard you try, you can’t get away from being at the hospital, didn’t make it feel quite right. One of our members suggested Funky Monkey who kindly said yes and we moved to our current home.

At Funky Monkey there is a friendly relaxed atmosphere, comfy sofas and the most amazing hot chocolate (with whipped cream and marshmallows)

Sometimes a sit down, a hot drink and the chance to have a chat with another parent who knows exactly how it feels to have an ADHD child, is just what you need. Most of us have had the talk with the teacher (some of us on a daily basis) We all have at least one relative that doesn’t fully understand the condition. Most of us know how it feels to be stared at by strangers in shops and other public spaces and we all want to learn as much as we can to help and support our children.

If you’re from Stockport and have a child with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, you are very welcome to join us at the Funky Monkey. SPACE Stockport 2015 Meeting dates.